Warning The short story is semi violent
Name- FlarekitDescription- Ginger tabby tom with green eyes.
Mother- Lilystem
Father- Puddlestorm
Short Story
Flarekit padded out of the nursery. He had come up with a plan on how to get out of the camp. He padded around to the back of the apprentices den where there was a secret opening. He squeezed through and he was into the forest. It was huge! He saw a hill with a tall tree on it ahead of him. He started to wallk in that direction. Flarekit climbed to the top and sat down above him the sky was clear. The only tree in this area was the really tall oak. Thre was a screech and Flarekit looked up. There in the sky was a huge eagle. It was diving towards him. There was a painful stab in his side as the eagle grabbed him. There wasa furocious yowl as Moonfire, the Iceclan deputy, tried to jump up into the air and attack the bird. It was to late..
(Sorry for the violence)
6 comments:
Poor Flareki :'(
:/ I know. It just goes to show what can happen if you are overly curious and you dont follow the rules. In this story Flarekit can represent a young kid who is in the wrong place at a very wrong time
Icestar do you believe that hollyleaf is alive and if so do you like her (not like mating like just do you like her character) write back soon
EEEEEKKKKK icestar the Erins have confirmed that they are making a new super edition all about yellowfang!!!!! Its called yellowfang s secret. Don't believe me type in yellowfangs secret then go to wiki then scroll down till ya see reveled at kate carts website or vicky's face book page
Nice, but you could build up a little suspense before flarekit is taken away by the eagle. Plus you should explain maybe a little more about Iceclan in your little short story. Also there isn't any character description. And it's way too short. It just started an dthen it abruptly ended as your reader began to enjoy it and visualize all the surroundings. It was over too fast.
Now that I'm done criticizing your story, here are some good things:
-pretty interesting and not too abrupt
-nice name-flarekit-i like it
This is why its called a 'short story' anonymous. She wanted to focus in on one character, and not go on explaining Flarekit's clan. It doesn't really matter about the length, its really just Maddie's choice. Though those were good comments if she wanted to write a whole story about him. :)
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